We Don’t Just Need to Connect — We Need to Reconnect

APS Member/Author: Adam Grant

As unemployment climbs to its highest rate in nearly a century, many people are searching for work. Our natural instinct is to go to our strong ties — the people we know well and see regularly. But classic evidence suggests we’re more likely to get a job through our weak ties. It’s not just because we have more acquaintances than friends and family. It’s because our strong ties tend to give us redundant information: They know many of the same things and the same people as we do. Weak ties open up access to new people and new leads.

That knowledge doesn’t always help us, though. It’s tough to reach out to distant colleagues and seek their help in finding a job. We go to our strong ties because it’s comfortable. The good news is that there’s another kind of tie that can give us the best of both worlds.

In one study, researchers asked hundreds of people to seek advice on an important work project. Surprisingly, the participants didn’t get the most valuable help, solutions and referrals from their current ties. They got it from their dormant ties — people they hadn’t talked to in at least three years. Like our weak ties, our dormant ties have fresh perspectives from meeting different people and learning different things. But like with our strong ties, we have some shared history. When we’re looking for help, it’s easier to ask someone we used to know than someone we hardly know.

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Reconnecting doesn’t have to be an act of taking. It can be an act of giving, a gesture of generosity. I read an article that reminded me of you, and thought you’d get a kick out of it. Or I met someone who shares your interests — let me know if you’d like an introduction. In the middle of a pandemic, the barrier is even lower.

“People think it will be awkward or unwanted if they pick up the phone and call an old friend they haven’t spoken to in years,” Dan Gilbert, a professor of psychology at Harvard University, said. “But in this time of crisis, reaching out is even easier because there is a very natural opener: Calling to see if you and your family are OK?”

There’s evidence that helping others can help usfeel less lonely. It allows us to feel that we matter, that we’re valued and appreciated. In some of my research, I’ve found that on days when we’ve had a positive impact on others at work, we feel more competent and bring more energy home. Even small acts of kindness can be antidotes to isolation.

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Read the whole story (subscription may be required): The New York Times