Try This One Way to Build Better Relationships, According to Science

As relationships evolve and mature, conversations between many couples devolve into discussions of checklists, tasks and events, but not the relationship itself, said Julie Gottman, a clinical psychologist. “They’re in danger of becoming a managerial relationship,” added her husband, John Gottman, a professor emeritus of psychology at the University of Washington. The Gottmans are co-founders of the Gottman Institute and conduct research on marriage and relationships.

…

The first is hedonic adaptation, a classic finding in psychology, where we tend to “get used to the good things in our lives unless something comes in and reminds us of what the good things are,” said Sara Algoe, a psychologist who runs the Emotions and Social Interactions in Relationships Laboratory at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. This applies to our relationships — romantic or otherwise — and across life, Gordon said.

Read the whole story (subscription may be required): The Washington Post