So Your Child Has Failed. Here’s What to Do Next

Just like adults, children sometimes fail. And when they do, parents too often do not react. They figure that failure is a part of life—that it teaches an important lesson. But that may not actually be the case. While tough love worked fine for parents when they were children, we know more now about child psychology. And we have a better understanding of what methods truly help children learn from failure.

When a child fails, think of two goals. The first is comfort. Parents need to convey how much they care and can be relied upon. This may seem a little obvious, and so most parents stop there. But there is a second aim: helping children build toward future success by developing persistence.

Persistence is what drives actions such as finishing a task, pushing through frustration, putting in time and effort, or finding creative approaches to a challenging problem. The ability to keep trying early in life is linked to all sorts of favorable outcomes years later, according to research—including a greater likelihood to succeed in schools, careers and personal relationships.

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