In Defense of Kids and Parenting: They Can Be Amazing (If That’s What You Want)

So, if people who choose kids are about as happy as those who choose none, why has there been such a spate of anti-parenthood press lately?  Part of the reason, says University of Mary Washington psychologist  Holly Schiffrin, author of the upcoming book, Balancing the Big Stuff: Finding Happiness in Work, Family, and Life, is the increasing expectations put on parents to make their kids smarter, happier and more successful. “Parenting,” she says, ” has become increasingly time-consuming and child-centered…. We urge parents to find the “sweet spot” where both their own needs and the needs of their children for autonomy, competence, and relatedness are being met to maintain everyone’s well-being.” If these become overwhelming, parenting can become more of a chore than a source of satisfaction.

Of course, life circumstances like marital conflict, financial strain, and emotional problems will affect the happiness of parents. It’s a hugely complex subject. But a soon to be published study by noted happiness theorist Sonja Lyubomirsky, a psychologist at the University of California, Riverside, aims to clarify all the previous research on whether kids make us happier, even if it doesn’t finally settle the matter.