Most Initial Conversations Go Better Than People Think

Have you ever met someone, replayed your conversation in your head and thought of the perfect response to a question or statement after the fact? Something that would have demonstrated how witty or knowledgeable you are or how much you have in common? You’re not alone. We’ve all had these moments of what-if. But a recent study reports that many of us may be underestimating how well the conversation may have gone overall. Why is this important? It’s good news for job-seekers, who may agonize over their interview after-the-fact—and it’s an insight into a general anxiety over face-to-face conversations we have, particularly given our increasing reliance on digitally-mediated methods for communication.

While it’s possible that habituation can create a sense of knowing—seeing the same people on your walk to the bus stop or riding in the same car on the train—to know someone, you have to speak with them. Conversation is how we learn about our world and each other. And theoretically a major benefit of in-person communication is that we have access to a host of social cues—eye contact, affirmative nodding, frowning—to tell us how the conversation is going. However Erica Boothby and her colleagues show in many cases we’re ignoring this feedback and are apprehensive about how we were perceived in the conversation.

Read the whole story (subscription may be required): Scientific American